Reply To: Its the weekend – time for some humour

#90927
Anonymous
Participant

In this time of Economic difficulty with the credit crunch, the tips below could save ££££££££££££££££££££££££££££ !!!

DON’T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your
identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along
with your old bank statements.

HOMEOWNERS: Prevent burglars stealing everything in the house by
simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to
bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again.

SAVE money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply
changing your name to match your existing plate. – Mr. KVL 741Y,

DON’T waste money buying expensive binoculars; simply stand closer to
the object you wish to view.

AN empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an
inexpensive vibrator.

SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and
walking around wearing a miner’s hat.

HOUSEWIVES, the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for
the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the
other in your coat pocket.

OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books, simply
cross out the names and address of people you don’t know.

SAVE on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky.
The following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by
drinking a thimble full of washing up liquid and banging your head
repeatedly on the wall.

SAVE a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to Oxfam, they
will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty pence.

OLD people, if you feel cold indoors this winter, simply pop outside
for ten minutes without a coat, when you go back inside you will
really feel the benefit.

WHY pay the earth for expensive jigsaws? Just take a bag of frozen
chips from the freezer and try piecing together potatoes.

MIX tea with coffee, and leave in the fridge to cool. Hey presto!
Toffee.

MAKE your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of toothpaste to dry
on a window sill. Use striped toothpaste to make humbugs.

SHOPPERS, when buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them before taking them to the counter to be weighed.

WOMEN: Don’t waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn’t care less
anyway and you could use the saved energy to Hoover the house
afterwards