While I was driving down the M1 the other day, (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a policeman on the other side with a radar gun, laying in wait.
The policeman pulled me over, walked up to the car and with that classic, patronizing smirk, asked: “Runway too short”?
To which I replied. “I’m late for work”
To which he asked, “What do you do?”
“I’m a rectum stretcher,” I responded.
The policeman was surprised and confused.
“A rectum stretcher”
“and just what does a rectum stretcher do?”
“Well,” I said “I start by inserting one finger then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can stretch and stretch and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole until it’s about 6 feet”
Then the policeman asked questioningly and cautiously. “And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?”
To which I politely replied, “You give it a radar gun and park it behind a bridge…”
Speeding ticket: £105,
Court Costs: £45,
Look on copper’s face: Priceless….