Thursday humour: Could you be a Spanish property developer?


This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of Anonymous Anonymous 8 years, 8 months ago.

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  • #53644
    Profile photo of Anonymous

    With the fascination us Brits have in property prices and property development, it’s not surprising that many have considered making money from property development here in Sunny Spain. Of course, the rules over here are very different. So to help the would-be developer aclimatise I thought I’d devise this simple test. Have you got what it takes? Could you be a Spanish property developer?

    INSTRUCTIONS: There are ten (10) questions. There is no time limit for this test. You can overrun by up to six months without penalty. Good luck!

    1. If it takes two men seven months to build a house, and you pay your Romanian workforce 91 euro a week, how many extra Jaguar cars can you afford to buy if you switch to Peruvians at 84 euro a week to complete the development?

    2. You acquire 200,000 square meters of land through ‘land grab’ at a cost of 2 euros per square metre. How many houses do you need to build in order to pay off the local Mayor?

    3. A world economic slowdown looms and property prices look set to crash.

    Do you:

    a) Run for the hills?
    b) Sell everything you own and move back in with your Mother?
    c) Build more houses?

    4. You currently supply 300 homes with ‘builders water’ which is derived from a nearby stagnant lagoon. How many types of bacteria can the householders expect in their tap water?

    Bonus question: Will you give a toss?

    5. A customer would like another electric socket installed in the kitchen of their off-plan home. If the outlet costs 5.89 euros, 23mm rigid PVC conduit costs 16 cents per metre, 1.5mm2 rigid single core cable costs 18 cents per metre per core, and first and second fix labour comes to no more 16.73 euros – please explain how you justify the 500% markup you intend to charge the customer?

    6. A buyer’s solicitor has starting asking difficult questions about paperwork. What is the going rate to ensure that the non-existent building licences get mysteriously “overlooked”?

    7. You are building an illegal house on a plot of 2,600 square metres. When is the best time of night to sneak back and move the neighbour’s boundary markers in order to steal enough land for the swimming pool?

    8. The sewerage treatment for your urbanisation is undersized and as a result poo is slowly seeping into everyone’s luxury villa. Explain how the rules of Valencian land grab mean that you didn’t have to pay a penny towards the sewerage infrastructure in the first place – instead the previous owners of the land did!

    9. How many times do you have to repeat the term “Only highest quality materials used” in a glossy marketing brochure for people to actually believe it?

    And finally:

    10. You’re about to pay your brother-in-law (the local Mayor) a visit to discuss a planning matter. How many more bin bags will you need to take with you if you were to use 200 euro notes instead of the normal 500 euro notes?

  • #78717
    Profile photo of Anonymous

    Love it!

  • #78721
    Profile photo of Anonymous

    It would be even more amusing if I didn’t get the feeling that it was very close to the truth!! 🙂

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